my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
