I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
