She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
