hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
