I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
