We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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