I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
