My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
