it wasn't lemon gatorade
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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