This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I smell like Dick and happiness
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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