I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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