Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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