Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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