I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
