My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
