I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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