I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
