this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
