FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
NoShamevember. You game?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
