atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
