And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
