Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
