At least make sure they are 18
Why
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
