great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
