Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
