just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
