I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
