i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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