my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
