At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
