you have to choose: penises or morals?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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