If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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