Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
we're so committed to being not committed
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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