dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
