I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
