guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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