.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
