Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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