Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
