Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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