ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
