I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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