An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
