um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
even my farts smell like vagina
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
