The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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