worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
