At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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