dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
