I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
