The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
