....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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