i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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