So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
