i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
