I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize