so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize