I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
