So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
