Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
