i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
